In a recent interview with Nate Akin, he mentioned how his father sought to parent. He described it as a simple philosophy of: 1. Teach them to love Jesus and 2. Have fun. Now perhaps those two things are an oversimplification of what Danny Akin actually did, but that formula is easy to remember and helpful in keeping it simple.
In commending, his father, Nate commented on horror stories that he has heard. He talked about parents who were so serious and so wanted their children to follow Jesus that any straying off the line was met with pressure, worry, and correction. Their parenting seemed overbearing or fearful.
It prompted me to think of a danger that I have seen before. Creating a new word, I would label it as parents who overdisciple. What do I mean by that?
Much of my ministry is aimed at calling and equipping parents to disciple their children. For many, the idea that they are responsible to pass the faith into their children is new. As a result, much of my effort is spent calling fathers and mothers to throw off passivity and actively think about how they can teach their children about the love of Christ. God’s Word calls us to do this and tells us we are his most effective shepherds.
But there is another, smaller group that takes this responsibility very seriously. They know God has given them an eternal soul and call them to teach them about Christ and his Word. They also know that besides the sinful heart of the child, there is a world that wants to seduce their children’s hearts. Often, these parents are the ones attracted to this ministry. That might describe you!
But for this group, the danger is that discipling our children can become an idol. Rather than loving the Lord first, living our own Christian life, and then investing in our children, the order of those is reversed. Our whole identity is bound up in how our children are doing. We are examining every action of a child under a microscope and weighing it with eternal consequences.
In this home, there can be a joylessness and fear that does not honor Christ. And it makes Christianity unattractive to our children. A. T. Robertson, the famous Greek scholar, reportedly made his children copy the Greek New Testament for three hours a day on Sunday afternoon. And they all walked away from the faith.
Instead, Jesus’ joy is to be in us. “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15:11). That joyful confidence in the Lord can help us fight fears that cause us to overdisciple.
As parents, we want to be diligent and faithful, but we also want to be joy-filled, loving them and loving life. The Christian life is not a life of drinking lemon juice. The serious, humorless Christian is not attractive. The overbearing dad or mom will eventually push their child away.
So diligent parents, walk by faith not fear. Entrust your children to the Lord. Seek to be faithful, not perfect. And embrace joy!
