Studies show that one of the most significant factors in a young person walking with the Lord is a quality relationship with a parent or mentor. How can we encourage these relationships in the church?
Family-Initiated Mentors
One way to connect others involves helping parents realize the importance of these relationships. Often parents are so busy “doing the next thing” that they are not looking at the bigger picture. But if parents realized how vital these connections are, they would be motivated to find mentors or prayer partners for their children. They will take initiative and make connections themselves.
Youth group training material often encourages there to be one leader for every five youth. As a disciple-making parent, I wanted to turn that number upside down. I wanted five adults for every one of my children. Well maybe that’s unrealistic. But you understand the point I’m making. I wanted my children connected in a web of healthy relationships in my church.
Others have discovered how vital this principle is. After a conference, I was talking with a pastor whose four adult boys were all following Christ. When I asked his sons what influenced them to walk with the Lord, several of the boys mentioned how their father actively encouraged them to seek out men in the church. He said, “I want you to build relationships with some older men in the church. Who would you like that to be?” In most instances, he encouraged their choices. One or two times, he redirected them to others. But by having his boys involved with other men it provided a strong web of relationships and modeling. His example is worth imitating.
Church-Initiated Pray-ers
A second way to connect others across the generations starts with the church. While encouraging families to take action as previously mentioned might be best, a church can also take the initiative. For example, the church could put out a invitation for members who would like to pray for a preteen or teen. Then families could pick from the list. A pray-er for a teen or preteen involves less commitment than a mentor.
The only pitfall I have seen with this method is that sometimes an older person wants more of a relationship than the teen does. So expectations need to be clear and the matching process natural. Perhaps the best way to match might be for adults from the congregation to volunteer and then the families choose from that list.
This initiative can be especially helpful for single parents or those coming to church without their parents.
The simplest activity would just have the older person commit to ask or text, “How can I pray for you?” Then that week they pray. And in the next couple of weeks, they follow up again. The relationship can grow (or not) in a natural way for a year. After the school year is over, all the parties can decide if they want to recommit.
To put this into practice will require a little energy at the beginning of each school year. And it might involve some shepherding of older members who are hoping for a close relationship with a teen. But those problems will be relatively few compared with the enormous fruit.
Try it in your family or in your church and let me know the results.
For more on this topic, listen to one of my early podcasts with Tony Souder on the Pray for Me campaign.
Want to think more about this topic?
Reread Chapter 6 of The Disciple-Making Parent in which I talk about connecting our children with others.
