For those who are interested in the family, two identical verses written by Paul catch our attention. No, it is not instructions to the father found in Ephesians 6:4 and in Colossians 3:21. Rather, it is the strange addition to Paul’s sin list in Romans 1 and 2 Timothy 3. Let’s take a look at these passages.
And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Romans 1:28-31
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God… 2 Timothy 3:1-4
Right in the middle of all these evidences of depraved minds and extreme sinfulness, Paul lists this phrase–disobedient to parents.
Adult Children?
It has always struck me as strange that in this list, all the other sins are meant to have us think of adults. But when I read this, my first Inclination is to think of the sinfulness of children.
It seems that we are left with two options. Either this means adult offspring are disobedient to their parents or it refers to younger children.
In looking at older commentaries, various authors have held that this sin applies to adult offspring. In other words, adult children are actively being disobedient to their parents. However, the more I have thought about this view, the more I find it unsatisfying.
First, adult children do not have to obey their parents. We are called to honor them throughout our lives. But am I to obey my 91-year-old mother at this stage of my life? I don’t think so. I may yield to her wishes out of honor. But I am not called to obey.
Second, I also find it hard to believe that in a list of adult sins, Paul suddenly shifts to thinking about the sin of children. After speaking about adults in this list, is he now prosecuting young children in the home who not obedient to their parents? A shift to accusing children in the midst of a list that accuses adults seems out of place. It does not seem to fit.
Another View
I know there’s nothing new under the sun. And if I have an idea that seems novel, it is usually in error. Many, many minds have pored over the scriptures throughout the centuries. Nevertheless, I would like to offer an alternative understanding.
In Ephesians 6:1-3, God makes it obvious that honoring and obeying parents is right and commanded so that it will go well with our children. In verse four, fathers are given the responsibility of bringing their children up in this honor and obedience. 1 Timothy 3:4 and Titus 1:6 also show us that having disobedient children is a black mark for a man.
Therefore, it seems to me that the sinfulness in these two verse lists is found in adults letting their children disobey them. One of the “every kind of unrighteousness” is parents, in general, allowing their children to be disobedient. It is accepted. Maybe it is even celebrated. This disobedience of children is evidence of sin run wild in parents and in society.
And that brings us to our current cultural moment. As we look through both of the sin lists, we can see many of these qualities on the rise. So, it is not surprising that we should also find parenting philosophies that allow and even explain away disobedience in children.
Any parenting philosophy that does not call children to obey their parents or to submit to their parents is against the Scriptures. Additionally, any that says it is wrong to correct children like our Heavenly Father corrects us (Hebrews 12:6) is also not in line with Scripture. The methods of how we do this training–with love, affection, correction, and consequences– is beyond this article. But the how does not negate the what–obedience.
Jonathan Leeman, in his book Authority, gives two signs of a civilization in decline. The first is that the civilization diminishes, even despises, the significance of children-making and rearing. The second is that parents don’t know how to exercise authority in their children’s lives. (p.186,187).
Modern Times
Somehow, Christians, who would reject all of these other manifestations of sin, are led astray by parenting philosophies that do not train for obedience. Permissive parenting should be included in that list of sins. Let’s not be deceived by fine-sounding philosophies no matter where they are found.
As I said, I offer this understanding of the verse in this context, wanting to find others who see it the same way. I am willing to be challenged to hold the traditional view. Nevertheless, it seems to me to better understanding of including that phrase in those lists.
