I was recently meeting with a group of leaders from a church the night before I would conduct a conference. In our time together, we discussed numerous topics. But at the very end, the senior pastor asked me this: “What do you think we can do as leaders to encourage family discipleship?”
They really are several motivations for busy elders to create a strategy. First, positively, you are praying for a great legacy. You hope that as you look at all your church children, you will invest in families so these children will grow up to follow the Lord, expand the kingdom, and impact the world. Negatively, aren’t many of your counseling cases or shepherding concerns family life? Sin first manifests itself in the family. By proactively having helps, you can actually lessen your own workload.
With that in mind, here were my suggestions for what he could do immediately and easily.
First, as elders or pastors, you must be convinced that the first and hardest place to live out the gospel is in the home. Sanctification is promoted by and expressed in the home. Charles Spurgeon said, “What a man is at home is the real man. And though he be a saint abroad, if he be a devil at home, you can be sure the last is his real character.” And with this core conviction, we will make sure we are equipping our saints to live out their faith in the home (Eph. 4:12).
Second, as Lead Pastor, I would make sure that many of my sermons have applications for our living out the gospel in the home. For example, a sermon on forgiveness would specifically apply that teaching to a husband, wife, children, and parents. When I was preaching regularly, I had a checklist of questions that I would cover in my preparation. One of those questions I would ask myself was, “How does this apply to family relationships?” I also wanted to regularly address the children present in the congregation.
Third, since my officers and future officers are to lead their homes well, I would make sure that our church has a short list of training material. This would be part of the leadership training. We would check on each other’s families during our leadership check-in time. And it would mean that as we help families in our church, we are all speaking with a unified and knowledgeable voice.
Fourth, I would seek to have some family discipleship material that is reinforced in the regular worship of the church. This could mean having a weekly catechism question or a memory verse, or both. One church that I’ve been in contact with had a weekly memory verse. In the Sunday night service, someone stood up and stated the verse out loud. Or a church might also recite the verse or catechism question out loud together. The church is a family of families, and we all need that encouragement.
Fifth, I would use the Sunday school hour for accountability and coaching. Family leaders, i.e. we as men, need to be reminded and helped with family devotions. In this particular church, a summary of the Sunday school lesson and memory verse went out on Monday. I asked if that could be ready on Sunday. Why? Because then they could take just a few minutes in Sunday school to look at the devotional for the week and ask how it was going in the home. My family of churches here in New England would use a tiny portion of the Sunday school time to highlight the plan for family devotions that week. And they would ask about any problems families were having. All of us need reminders. All of us need a plan. All of us need coaching.
Sixth, I would try and identify a family discipleship catalyst. Ideally, this is a couple who has done a good job with their own children or is doing a good job with their children. In addition, it is helpful if they have the ability to teach. It may or may not be a pastor or an elder. But this couple is charged with equipping the church in this area, whether through events or small groups.
Finally, I would seek to create a more detailed family discipleship strategy. It might include a regular conference on family life. I am hearing of many churches that alternate a yearly conference between marriage and parenting. This strategy might include small groups that equip in this vital area. But I always like to know what the plan is that I am seeking to execute. This also includes the previously mentioned short list of endorsed materials. The problem in the US is not a lack of information but too much information. We help our people when, rather than listing everything that is available, we curate the very best training resources.
There are many more suggestions I can make for NextGen pastors and children’s directors. But these come from a pastor to pastors who asked this question. As you can see, they require few if any, structural changes. They come with a conviction that we want to equip the saints to live out the gospel in their homes.
