Last week, I highlighted a common question. This week is another question I am hearing more regularly.
What do you say to young couples who are afraid to have children?
Let me start by saying, I can totally relate! After Sharon and I had been married a couple of years and we were thinking about children our finances were tighter than tight. We were paying off some debt and wanted to have children, but we were concerned about how much they cost. I remember asking some young dads, “How much does formula cost? How much do you spend on diapers?” And they shrugged their shoulders. They didn’t know. They had made it work because they wanted to make it work.
So even as I can relate to some of those fears, we cannot give into them. God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7).
Here are some principles to think about.
1. Ask yourself, what are you fearful of? Is it that you cannot afford a child? Is it that you can’t see bringing a child into such a broken world? Is it that you had a poor upbringing and are afraid that you will mess up your child? Or have you bought the lie about overpopulation?
Is it more selfish? You don’t want to give up your double income life for the financial sacrifice of a child? Or you don’t want to give up your career? The clearer you can be on what you are fearing the more you can bring this before the Lord and replace those fears with the truths of God’s word.
2. Realize that co-creating children with God is a command and purpose of marriage. The command to be fruitful and multiply still applies to us (Gen. 1:28). In Malachi 2:15 God tells us that one reason he has brought a husband and wife together is because he was seeking godly offspring. This is the natural fruit of your marriage union and your physical union. Just as God’s trinitarian love overflows into the creation of man and woman so our love overflows into the creation of little disciples. Seen in the right way, there really is no higher calling than to make and shepherd a new life. And to state it as gently as I can, deliberately staying childless when we are able to have children is disobedience to God’s direct command.
3. Realize that children are a heritage and reward from the Lord (Ps. 127:3-5). The world has deliberately given us the message that marriage makes men and women less free and children are a burden. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Committing to one person makes us more free to be who God created us to be. While children are work, they are not a burden. They are a joyful reward! And by the way, no, we are not destroying the planet by having too many children. Modern Malthusian “sustainability” theory is wrong, just as it has been for over two hundred years.
4. We walk by faith not fear. God’s people have always had to live by faith. Whether you are worried about finances, or society, or your own ability to raise healthy children, the response to those fears is faith. Does God see you? He does! Will your Father provide what you need at the moment? He will! Is the Spirit within you greater than the spirit of the world? Yes! This faith does not negate planning and prudence. But if we understand God’s command then we know that what he commands, he enables.
5. If you care, you will be a good parent. For those who know their own sinfulness or background and are worried about if they are up for the task – you are! There are no perfect parents. God only gives children to imperfect parents. And you will not mess them up. They come to us as little sinners. If you care about your children and are in a healthy church, God will give you the grace.
Being a dad is the best thing I have ever done in my life. Even today, with books written and people pastored, I receive the greatest joy from my children. No earthly success comes close to that. Why would you rob yourself of both this duty and delight? If God gives you the ability to create new life, do it! You won’t regret it!
