Conflict is part of our lives and our children’s lives. I’m teaching a Sunday School class on resolving conflict using The Peacemaker by Ken Sande and Pursuing Peace by Dr. Robert Jones. Perhaps I will put those lectures up on the podcast when I am done.
Below, I have summarized some of the steps Dr. Jones encouraged people to take in a disagreement. These also might help as you coach your children through their own conflicts.
1. Are you seeking to please and honor God more than people?
2. Do you have the right attitude: to show him his fault or to win (Matt 18:15), to restore him gently (Gal 6:1).
3. Have you prayed for the person and yourself?
4. Contact the person to express your desire to talk with him privately about something important. Try and gain the best situation – in person or over the phone.
5. State your concern humbly using “I” messages, “John, I’m concerned about something and it has been on my mind.” “You may not have realized it, but…. Be careful using “you” statements.
6. Ask about the offense, don’t assume or accuse. Give opportunity to voluntarily repent.
7. Listen well with Christ-like compassion and wisdom.
There is certainly more to conflict resolution than these steps but these are good place to start. Conflict in inevitable and an opportunity to glorify God. Steward it well!
