Here’s a quick take article on two different real-life scenarios that I think illustrate a similar principle.
Scenario 1: I was having dinner with a friend when he mentioned an issue he was having. (I have permission to share.) My friend can be serious and sober about the things of God. But when he gets on a roll, he can be hilarious, sarcastic, and snarky. I love it. Sauce served with a smile. The problem has come because, as he is playing around with his son, my friend has found himself relating to his young son in this way. It is fun and bonding….until his son doesn’t stop. Or the young son speaks this way to his mother or another adult.
Scenario 2: When I am in an airport, I often like to people-watch. Recently, I saw a young dad running around some seats with his two-year-old daughter to get some energy out. The terminal was empty, and it was entirely appropriate and endearing. He was being a good dad. But as I observed him, I thought to myself, “How does the daughter know he is playing? When he really wants her to come to him, will she run the other way, thinking it is a game? Is he setting himself up for problems in the future?”
Both scenarios made me think of the same principle. Somehow, we need to communicate with our young children that we are playing. And then at some point, we need to clearly communicate that playtime is over. We will spend just as much time training them in the proper behavior as the fun behavior. Both of those parents are “discipling” their children in behavior that might be inappropriate in other circumstances. They need to make sure they are offsetting that playtime with other training.
For example, I can imagine my friend saying to his son, something like, “I love having fun with you like that. You know we only do that because we are playing. But you can’t speak to other people that way. And if I hear you do that, there will be consequences. What is the proper way to greet and respond to another adult? Can you remember that?”
Or for the dad in the airport, I can imagine lots of rehearsal at home training his daughter to come when called. He works on this in the home so that he will not chase her when he calls her in “real life.” This training, of course, is balanced with plenty of happy, joyful “chasing” as play.
The bigger principle is this. Our children are imitation machines. We are training them, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Play is an excellent part of parenting. We enjoy our children, and they enjoy us. But let’s be aware of how we are “discipling” them.
