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Marriage

When You and Your Spouse Don’t Agree

By Family Discipleship, Marriage, Parenting: Childhood, Parenting: Early Years, Parenting: Teens and Beyond

What if my spouse and I disagree on child-rearing decisions or philosophy? The classic conflicts that newlyweds face–where to squeeze the toothpaste, which way the toilet paper rolls–have their equally classic counterparts in parenting: What activities do we choose and how many? Can the kids play before their chores are done? Do the kids even have chores? What’s the response to someone not finishing what’s on her plate?” Disagreement in child-rearing can be a common occurrence. After all, two well-intentioned Christian parents will have different approaches to child-rearing, child discipline, and the individual decisions we each have to make for our children. The…

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How Do I Lead When I Don’t Know Where to Go?

By Family Discipleship, Leadership, Marriage

I was recently asked this question by an earnest new husband. He is easygoing with an energetic wife. Both wanted to honor the Lord. But he articulated a struggle he was having as they faced some unexpected decisions that had large financial consequences. I thought he articulated a struggle many young (and older) men have. How do I lead us when I don’t know where I am going? Here was my response. In one sense, you do know where you are going. You want to have a loving, caring relationship with your wife. You want to honor the Lord with…

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Chap Bettis – Preventing Destructive Marital Conflict

By Family Discipleship, Marriage, Podcast
In any marriage, there will be disagreements, but do you know how to keep your conflict constructive rather than destructive? The issue is not whether we'll have conflict or not, but whether that conflict will be destructive or constructive. Constructive conflict leads to a new understanding of each other, the issue, and ourselves. You end up closer together at the end. Destructive conflict, on the other hand, results in continued upset and bitterness. It leads the parties to pull away emotionally. So how do we prevent destructive marriage conflict? It's vitally important that we understand this because our marriage displays...
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Dads: Don’t and Do Defend Your Wife

By Christian Living, Family Discipleship, Leadership, Marriage

I was recently presenting a workshop on overcoming anger, and two moms brought up a point that may help all of us. I stated that anger is an emotion given to us when we see something that is important and wrong. However, Ephesians 4:26 tells us, “In your anger, do not sin.” That is to say, anger is a special temptation to sin. We are often wrong in our understanding of how important and how wrong something is. We can be sinfully angry in how we address something. But we also need to allow that anger, I said, to prompt…

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28 Communication Inhibitors

By Christian Living, Family Discipleship, Leadership, Marriage

Let’s take a moment and think about a number of things that inhibit communication. I came across this list in my files. I think it is original but if it isn’t I am happy to give credit. I believe you will find this list of different inhibitors convicting. When we act this way we can confess our sin. And again, we also want to train our children in good communication. The Silent Treatment – sulking, withdrawing (2 Corinthians 6:11-13, Genesis 3:8, 1 John 1:7, Ephesian 4:25 speak truthfully) Using inflammatory words – stupid, etc. (Proverbs 12:18, Proverbs 16:24) Using generalizing words – always, never,…

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Four Keys to Self-Awareness

By Christian Living, Family Discipleship, Leadership, Marriage

Part of a good leader’s job is to continually grow. Paul told Timothy, “Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress” (1 Tim 4:15). This growth will often come through self-reflection and self-correction – also called repentance. But how does this occur in real life? Why is it that some individuals keep on doing the same thing over and over again? I propose it is because they have not made a mental habit of self-reflection. I was a computer programmer for a few short years before the internet. When an issue would arise in the middle…

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What Causes Fights and Quarrels [in My Marriage]?

By Christian Living, Marriage

Every marriage relationship experiences conflict. Sometimes it can be healthy conflict. Many times it can be destructive conflict. I have already written about preventing destructive conflict here. James 4:1-2 is well-known, but often not thought of when it comes to the marriage relationship. This verse can provide some special help in understanding your last conflict and moving towards a more positive discussion next time. What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You…

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Preventing Destructive Marital Conflict

By Marriage

Conflict in marriage is a common issue. It is not the sign of an unhealthy marriage. The goal is not to have a conflict-free marriage. The goal is to have healthy conflict. Healthy conflict builds a marriage. Unhealthy or destructive conflict can destroy a marriage. What are some principles that can keep us from destructive conflict? I would suggest the following: 1. Cultivate self-awareness. The rest of these principles will do no good if you are not aware of, or if you are constantly excusing, what comes out of your mouth. We must start with an ongoing awareness of what…

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